For the past few days I have been met with resistance.
Resistance to being in the present, to letting go.
Resistance toward my future.
When we are at an unknown crossroad in our lives, we may find that old familiar patterns arise.
I have found myself scrolling endlessly on social media to distract myself from pain.
I have had the urge to seek validation from men.
I have turned to alcohol.
I have found safety in food, or lack of it.
But none of those outlets bring me any joy.
They all are resisting the now.
These are all products of past conditioning that I need to decondition myself from.
Nothing I find on social media can set me free.
No man can give me the validation I need to feel beautiful, to feel worthy, to feel whole.
I will not find solace in the bottom of a bottle or in the first sip of a drink.
Eating my way through the darkness will only fill me with disgust, not joy.
All of these methods are ways in which I have coped in the past.
I have laid plaster upon plaster over my wounds with these so called antidotes.
I have the power to go deeper than these artificial retreats.
I can tell myself I am strong, worthy and beautiful.
I can switch off from social media to minimise my anxiety.
I can say no to the drink that will make my mind quieten for only a matter of minutes.
I can fuel my body with wholesome foods that nourish not hinder.
It is only I who can heal and create a new path to navigate through this pain.
It is only I who can craft new coping mechanisms that push through the resistance and bring me into the present.
It is only I who can look inward to find the answers as clear as day.
It is only I.