For most of our lives we have been made to believe that we can only find true inner happiness through a relationship with a lover. Seeking and finding a soul mate and creating a relationship that is everlasting was always seen as a key to success. Divorce meant you had failed and the short-lived relationships meant that it just wasn’t right.
What if I told you all of this was wrong? What if the only way to true enlightenment is through focusing on the present moment, on the now. Seeking a partner, your soul mate, ‘The One’, is projecting yourself into the future. Waiting for an event in time will never bring you happiness nor will it bring you peace.
What if I also told you that there is no ‘One’ person you are destined to be with. We create the ideal partner within the boundaries of our unconscious minds. We derive our ‘type’ from external factors: physical appearance, interests, aspirations, wealth, possessions, social role. We believe that seeking and finding the ideal partner will bring forth salvation within our lives. And it may do, for a short while. We are led to believe that it is inevitable that the ‘honeymoon’ phase will end, that our partner’s flaws will begin to protrude through the veil of perfection, that arguments and unhappiness will begin to appear and that these factors are all just a part of a ‘relationship’. Without feeling a conscious presence in any relationship, be it intimate or not, they will all result in dysfunction.
Finding negativity within a romantic relationship is usually recognised within your partner rather than seeing it within yourself. These appear in the form of possessiveness, jealousy, anger, rage, insensitivity, manipulation and so forth. Juxtaposed to the ‘love’ you feel and the happiness your partner brings, neediness and addiction can arise causing more pain and suffering until Love and Hate seem to become the dynamic within the relationship.
The constant chasing of a romantic love relationship seems to offer a state of liberation, as the key to happiness as a way out of fear, lack and feeling incomplete. When constantly identified with the mind, you produce an externally derived sense of self, the ego. Therefore, unconsciousness within a love relationship seeks to find new ways of lasting fulfilment through the pursuit of masking lack and neediness. If you experience love and its opposite in it’s many forms then it is likely your ego is taking over. True love has no opposite. Hate cannot exist. The negativity and pain we feel in intimate relationships has nothing to do with the relationship itself. It is to do with the deep-rooted pain that already resides within you.
It is similar to our constant pursuing of physical pleasures in order to cover fear or lack. Drinking Alcohol is one that is more common than it is rare amongst the human race. We only enjoy feeling drunk as it quiets our minds. We become less self-conscious and more confident. We experience a sense of numbness that can be mistaken for Peace. We endure the dreaded hangover for the ‘blissful’ state we allow our bodies to endure. Along with Drug taking, promiscuity, binging or deprival to harm our bodies; they are all short-lived pleasures that seem to satisfy us only for a little while until we project our happiness once again into the future. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.
“‘When I obtain this I can be free of that then I will be okay’ – this is the unconscious mind-set that creates the illusion of salvation in the future”
To truly find fulfilment is to truly be who you are. It is the realisation that the joy of Being does not rely on external factors, only what you already possess within yourself. It is about recognising yourself as part of the timeless and formless One Life. Through this realisation, you can succeed in finding and experiencing ‘True Love’. Disassociating oneself with the ego and pain-body and becoming fully present is to know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker. Therefore, in an intimate love relationship, accepting what is and seeking acceptance of your partner exactly as they are will only leave room for Love and Joy. Love is a state of being, a feeling that can never be lost as it is only found within you. True love is not selective or exclusive – your ego plays the selective role. The love you feel for your partner is the same deep-rooted love you feel for every living being – be it a tree, a flower or a stranger. Love does not choose you nor can you seek it. It is only from within can you experience it.
TRUE SALVATION = FREEDOM
Finding true salvation frees the human mind from wanting, needing, yearning, desiring, clinging, hurting. You become free from the past and open to the future.