Trying to rush the healing process is like driving a car without a license. You know that you will eventually get caught but you continue anyway. As you increase your speed, the risk does too and before you know it BOOM.
You’ve crashed. You’ve been caught.
Caught out by the pain and emotion you have spent years running from.
Throughout my healing journey, I have begun to notice old familiar patterns arise. On reflection, this pattern has repeated itself for the past 10 years, if not more.
Despite loving my own company, I have never been good at being alone. I have never been 100% single. If I was not in a relationship, I was always chatting to a potential partner or going out with the sole focus of meeting a guy.
Turning to men has always been escape for me and the outlet where I have sourced my identity, my worth. I have used men as a scapegoat from what I truly desire. And from my authentic self.
To most peoples’ surprise, I am very free spirited at heart and my soul craves the unknown. But, my ego and mind chase stability and routine. They crave the mundane, yearn for security and live for a lack of adventure. All of which bring out my non-self attributes and lead me further away from who I am.
A lesson can never be learnt until we acknowledge it’s message. They repeat themselves as patterns, over and over until we finally realise what the Universe is trying to communicate. I am beginning to dig deeper to discover what lies beneath these patterns and rewrite my future.
By being fully alone, it is only then that I can live my true self and rewrite those ingrained patterns. No man can heal my broken heart, only I can. Just like loving myself and feeling whole – that comes from within me.
If you are feeling the same way, accept the vulnerability and turn your focus inward. It may cause discomfort or worse you could be faced with repressed emotions. Just like the light that is within you, that pain needs to surface to fully heal. Take comfort in knowing that within that pain you will eventually find peace.
It is only when we pass through a storm can we find the rainbow.
You are the rainbow.