Nobody said the journey to self would be easy. But I didn’t believe it would be so hard.
It is at this point of my life where I feel the most vulnerable.
My very existence feels malleable.
I watch as it gets pulled in multiple directions by the influence of others, by opinion, fact, circumstance and fear.
It manifests itself as deep rooted anxiety, eating away at my stomach and spilling over into parts of me it should never have found.
It leaves an empty void that is hollow and dark.
Yet, I spend my day filling up that hole with light.
Sourced from meditation.
As the light pours in I can feel the anxiety softening.
My thoughts begin to quieten.
The essence of being coarses through my veins and I feel alive once more.
In those moments, I no longer find myself in that hollow space alone.
I find a ladder.
This ladder has many steps and I am taking my time to climb.
If I rush I may fall.
But with focus, determination and trust, I can make it to the top.
It is only I who can defy others from having control over my feelings.
It is only I who can switch off the noise.
It is only I who can let my wounds bleed and watch them seep into the deepest fragments of my existence.
It is only who I can allow those wounds to heal.
No plaster or quick fix can make this journey any easier.
It is all part of the process.
To uncover, discover and recover.