10 Ways To Practice Self Love On Valentine’s Day

10 Ways To Practice Self Love On Valentine's Day

Whether you are happily single or in a loving relationship, practicing self love on Valentine’s Day is a perfect way to celebrate.

Firstly, you do not need a dedicated day per year to show your affection to yourself or another. It is a highly commercialised event that can leave us feeling lonely, unworthy or in some cases temporarily better about ourselves. Society makes us believe that if we are single on Valentine’s day that there is something wrong with us and better yet we need to be putting ourselves ‘out there’ to date. We feel pressured to purchase gifts, pour words of love into card and shower another with affection. It becomes a competition of who can show the most love to another through spending money or sharing an ‘I love you’ on social media. As soon as February the 15th approaches, it is all forgotten about. Life continues, single or with a partner.

Regardless of your relationship status, practicing these 10 methods of self love on Valentine’s Day can leave you feeling in love with your life and your surroundings. Not to forget showing a little more love to those around you.

1. Meditate And Tune In

Meditation is a perfect way to practice self love. You are allowing yourself space to be, your mind to quieten and your body to soften. Once you tune in, you can allow your day to be guided by your higher purpose and what your heart truly desires. You may feel that you need to rest, to step outside of your comfort zone or simply enjoy all of your favourite past times. Spending 10-15 minutes in solitude will set the tone for the rest of Valentine’s Day. It remind you that you are enough as you are in the present moment.

2. Do Something Fun 

Sad that you’re single? Don’t be – go out and do something fun! Whether this is alone or with friends, spend the day doing something you enjoy. This could be taking up a new class, rediscovering your favourite childhood hobby or simply going our for drinks with friends. The more time spent enjoying the activities that light you up, the more you will attract the right people into your life. Single or taken, do something fun as you won’t regret it.

3. Self Care

Self care is vital to having a happy and healthy relationship with oneself. It looks different from one person to the next and that is perfectly fine too! I love watching my favourite Netflix show in the bath, taking in the smell of my favourite Lush bath bomb, watching as the glittery water melts upon my skin. Yet, I also love mindfully brewing my morning coffee and sipping it in the peace and quiet. It is the little acts of self care that light us up and make us feel happier. Don’t just save these acts for V day, try and do them daily if you can!

4. Express Gratitude

Expressing gratitude for what you have in your life is the perfect way to feel and share love. Whether you are expressing gratitude for your significant other, your best friends or your family, write it down or better yet tell them. In the years that I had been single, I found myself writing love letters to my best friends. I crafted handmade packages, highlighting my favourite qualities they possessed and all of the joy they bring into my life. I have done the same in relationships too, but made sure I expressed my love on a daily basis, not saving it for one day a year. Gratitude comes in many forms and you can choose how to express that. Whether you choose to keep a gratitude log, send a letter or write a meaningful text, let others know just how much they mean to you. And, if people aren’t part of your gratitude list, write about your own qualities and values. Love what makes you unique and beautiful.

5. Be Present

Being present with others is a loving act. Active listening isn’t the easiest skill to master, but practice makes perfect. Taking the time to be present in any interaction you have with others or even with yourself, is an act of love. Remove any distractions such as your phone or the TV and enjoy a genuine exchange of words.

6. Get Grounded

You can feel grounded by connecting to the earth. Earthing is a technique that allows you to feel the energetic power from beneath your feet when standing barefoot outdoors. You can ground yourself by extending your palms onto the bark of a tree and gently breath in the energy. You will feel the vibrations flow through you via your feet or hands and within moments you will feel more peaceful. This is an excellent way to calm your mind when feeling overwhelmed or to gain perspective. It may sound hippy and a little ‘woo woo’ but do not knock it until you try it!

7. Dance 

Dancing is one of the most underrated ways to shift your energy. Whether you are a professional, an amateur or even a complete beginner, dancing requires no skill. You simply need to move your body. This is best when done in the comfort of your own bedroom and allowing yourself to move freely to your favourite music. Once you begin your inhibitions will fall away and you will enjoy each movement. Why not throw a bit of singing in there too? Using your voice is another way to change your frequency and feel love.

8. Give A Gift To Yourself

Treating yourself is in no way a selfish act. If anything, it is selfless. I don’t necessarily mean rush out and go on a shopping spree, unless that is something that brings you deep joy. It is more focused upon gifting yourself some quality time and committing to a simple heartwarming act. For me it is sitting down with a hazelnut coffee or cooking myself a nutritious breakfast. If I am feeling like spending a little cash I would buy myself some Tulips or buy a new book. It really is that simple! Don’t feel guilty for gifting something to yourself.

9. Cook Yourself A Romantic Meal

Dining in alone is nothing to be sad about! You get to cook your favourite meal or best yet order in a takeaway. You don’t have to worry about another person’s taste preferences or their hate for pizza. You can eat as much pizza as you like, guilt-free! You may choose to mindfully cook your favourite dish, selecting the best ingredients from the supermarket and really treating yourself. Or, you may choose to cook for friends or family to show them your love. Think outside the box. But enjoy the dining in experience with yourself, you’re a catch.

10. Reflect On You

Reflect on all of the things that make you, you. You are unique and special in your own way. No other person is the same as you, how incredible is that? Focus on all of the qualities you love about yourself, your values and even your quirks that make you beautiful. Whether you have a partner or are single, your self-worth begins and ends with you. You can be told a million times over that you are beautiful and kind, but if you do not believe it yourself, the words lack meaning. Take time to reflect on the person you are and who you would like to become. Accept your imperfections and your flaws, they are part of you and your story.  That right there, this simple act, is self love.

How will you practice self love this Valentine’s Day?

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Birthing A New Age

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‘Often our path is exactly the one we don’t feel prepared to walk.

Walk it anyway.
 
Often what is rising feels far bigger than we could possibly hold.
 
Be a container for it anyway.
 
Often what is ours to do is the very thing that most intimidates us. 
 
Be courageous and do it anyway.
 
We are birthing a new age.’

 

Putting our whole selves online for the world to see isn’t an easy task. We ‘um’ and ‘ah’ about whether anyone would read it. If anyone would listen. If we would be understood.

Taking that first leap is often the scariest, yet we will look back in years to come and wonder why we didn’t start sooner.

Today is my turn to start. Venture down a different pathway. One that is closer to my heart than anything I have done before.

 

Writing is my passion, my life purpose; my calling. Sharing my words to inspire others, to heal and be vulnerable too. That is what my mission is, and that is what I am finally doing.

 

In the last few months I have finally come home to who I am and who I was meant to be. I am embracing both my strengths and my weaknesses. I am ready to show my flaws.

 

Behind the scenes I have created a new website.

 

I have begun recording my own podcast.

 

I have written two chapters of my first book.

 

I have allowed myself space to crumble and rebuild once more.

 

For I am finally listening to what I have been called to do.

 

I am letting my wild creations flow through me and allowing my fear to guide, not hinder.

As we choose to uplift one another and shine our own light, it gives others the permission to do the same.

 

My podcast Living In Alignment will come to life soon.

 

I am excited for the next chapter of my life and where this pathway leads me.

 

Don’t be afraid to step out of the spiritual closet. Don’t let your creativity become suffocated by fear. If what you share inspires or helps one person, your mission is complete.

 

Are you ready to work through fear and answer your soul’s calling?

 

 

10 Day Social Media Detox: Lessons Learnt

10 Day Social Media Detox: Lessons Learnt

A 10 day social media detox. It isn’t exactly a groundbreaking achievement. Yet, many of us would never consider it. We all deny that we have an obsession with our devices. With sharing our lives online, we only want our audience to see the highlight reel. And, when we do show our vulnerability, is it to seek attention or validation in another form?

 Growing an audience and a business online can be enhanced by social media. If you put in the hours, you can reap the benefits. But that can also come with many disadvantages. Increased anxiety, comparison and addictive behaviours. You can source happiness from the positive interactions and allow your mood to suffer when negativity arises. But how do we find the perfect balance? That I am still working out.  I have learnt a few lessons over the 10 days that I thought would be worth sharing.

Increased Awareness

My awareness of my actions increased within the first few days of detoxing. You begin to question whether you are taking a quick snap on your phone to share online or to cherish it for your own eyes. I became more mindful about the photos I took and the purpose behind them. It is all too easy to cultivate a life through the eyes of social media, even without using it. Why do we photograph as often as we do? Why do we feel the need to share a snap of our dinner or a photo of ourselves and a loved one? When we question our actions and become aware of our intentions, we can discover the ‘why’.

The Impulse Remains

After a few days of knowing and accepting that my social media apps were no longer on my phone, I still found myself looking for them. The habit had become so unconscious that my impulse still drew me back to where they were. It was only after a few moments did I notice that they had vanished and my mind and fingers didn’t know where to turn. Instead I sat scrolling through old text messages, flicking through photographs or even browsing my calendar for an answer. Do we really need social media to pass time? Or is it an addiction to our phone as a object? Is it an unconscious safety net?

Adjusting Was Easy

I thought that day one would be difficult. That the incessant desire to check my Instagram or Twitter feed would get the better of me. In fact it posed the opposite effect. I felt free from it. The burden had lifted. No longer did I feel that I needed the validation from sharing a new photograph or seeking feedback for my latest blog post. The pressure was off. You adjust quicker to having no social media apps at your fingertips quicker than you may have first imagine.

What’s more, I haven’t missed social media once. In fact, I am quite reluctant to re-install my apps. The worry is apparent that I may slip back into old habits. What if I find myself incessantly scrolling? What if the comparison begins again?

You Are In Control

We forget that we are in full control of our habits and of how we spend our time. The worry may be present, but only we have the power to change the outcome. We can stop the scrolling before it becomes mindless. We can unfollow the accounts that make us feel worthless. We can turn off our devices before the addiction arises. We have the power to do so.

The detox didn’t however make me use my phone less. I was still texting as often, checking my Whats-app messages and refreshing my emails. I didn’t eliminate those modes of communication from my social media detox. I thought that it may lessen my need for communication, but it had in fact done the opposite.

That is where a social media detox is not enough. In fact, 10 days without a phone would be the hardest task of all. No way to communicate with your loved ones, no crutch in an emergency and definitely no casual time passer. The worry of not being contactable becomes a burden too hard to bear, and that could be what holds most of us back. In the day and age where most of us do not possess a landline telephone, our mobiles are our only vice. Without them, how could we exist?

Maybe, social media isn’t the enemy, it’s our mobile device that is.

Have you undertaken a social media detox before?

Creative Lessons From Elizabeth Gilbert’s ‘Big Magic’

As I am one of the only few to admit it, I was a huge fan of Elizabeth Gilbert’s best selling memoir, ‘Eat Pray Love’. I was gripped by her dedicated search to find out who she was, spanning the globe to indulge in food, find inner peace and fall in love once more. Having become deeply attached to her writing style and the ability to relate to her experiences, I knew I had to stay true to this talented author.

The book could not have presented itself at a more pressing time in my life. With the creative struggle very real and my frustration growing daily, I needed a perspective change fast.

Here is what I learnt.

Creative Living Is A Path For The Brave

Fear holds every one back in one way or another. There are many excuses we offer up to fear, many we say or hear time and time again, stuck on repeat like a broken record.  We may feel like our ideas aren’t good enough, that they have already been done or that nobody will care about what we produce. We have to learn to make space for this fear. Accept that it will come along for the ride as we begin a project, work with it and not against it, letting out bravery and determination shine through. We have to switch off from fear’s powerful voice, put her on mute, and keep creating for the sheer joy it has the potential to bring.

Ideas Choose To Live Through Us 

Gilbert has an interesting theory about ideas and how they work. She is a firm believer that they are all around us, floating in the ether, searching for their ideal partner. We may be approached by many at a time, some that appeal to us and some that may not. If we choose to say no, it is important that we wholeheartedly let that idea go. We have all been in a situation where we have found ourselves saying ‘hey, they stole my idea!’ Or ‘I was going to do that!’ The realisation is they didn’t steal your idea, you let it pass for whatever reason and therefore it continued on its journey to find somebody new.

It Doesn’t Have To Be Important Or Original

You do not need permission from anybody other than yourself to live creatively. Define yourself as an artist. Don’t be afraid.

Im a photographer

I’m an illustrator

I’m a blogger

I’m a writer

I am all of these things and more. By defining our creativity and putting it out there into the Universe, it is only then that we can manifest authenticity. It isn’t about being original anymore it’s about being authentic. Chances are it’s been written before, drawn before, photographed before but who cares. It wasn’t completed by you. You make it authentic.

Do It For Yourself

Do not create to try and save others, create to save yourself. Draw to feel a sense of calm in your life and choose a subject that resonates within you. Write about subjects that you wish to, in your own style for your own benefit.  If you want to create something to help others then that burden to do so will be felt by them too. Do not make it your sole purpose, accept it purely as a bonus if your outlet helps another.

Enjoyment Vs. Money

‘It is dishonourable to demand that your creativity pays for your whole existence’

Creating Art solely for money is a recipe for failure. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all make a living from our creativity, use it to support a family or keep a roof over our heads? Yes it is possible, and keep those dreams in sight, but the reality is it appears few and far between. Gilbert urges us to keep creating because we enjoy it not because we desperately want it to pay the bills. Keeping a day job and allowing the creativity to flow in our free time is the safest option. That way, if inspiration hasn’t come a knocking and our craft is put on hold then we can still keep food on the table.

Be True To Your Devotional Path

Be true to your path and keep going. Even on the days when creativity evades you, keep trying. Whether you write the worst blog post of your existence or your drawing is really terrible, persevere. Just finish. That shows a true commitment to your path whether what you produce is magical or mundane. Allow your creativity to matter enough to you that you will do anything to make extra sacrifices for it. Have an affair with it. Sneak off and write in your lunch break, stay up until 3am drawing because you cannot bring yourself to part from it. Lose yourself in whatever you choose to do.

Be Curious

Ultimately, it is curiosity that helps to keep our creative spark alight. You can find inspiration in the strangest of places if you trust your instinct. If you have an urge to research, create, do or see something completely different, then do not hold yourself back. It is usually in the most mundane situations we can stumble across something magical.

So…

Gilbert has taught me to say yes more.

To be patient with my creativity.

To allow inspiration to come and go as it pleases.

To keep going even at times when giving up seems to be the easiest option.

That finishing is the most important factor, regardless of the end product.

I have to stay true to my authentic self and never feel ashamed or embarrassed of what I produce.

To give my creativity room to flourish outside of the bread and butter Job.

Put my passion and enjoyment ahead of money.

How do you live creatively?

 

True Enlightenment & Love

For most of our lives we have been made to believe that we can only find true inner happiness through a relationship with a lover. Seeking and finding a soul mate and creating a relationship that is everlasting was always seen as a key to success. Divorce meant you had failed and the short-lived relationships meant that it just wasn’t right.

What if I told you all of this was wrong? What if the only way to true enlightenment is through focusing on the present moment, on the now. Seeking a partner, your soul mate, ‘The One’,  is projecting yourself into the future. Waiting for an event in time will never bring you happiness nor will it bring you peace.

What if I also told you that there is no ‘One’ person you are destined to be with.  We create the ideal partner within the boundaries of our unconscious minds. We derive our ‘type’ from external factors: physical appearance, interests, aspirations, wealth, possessions, social role. We believe that seeking and finding the ideal partner will bring forth salvation within our lives. And it may do, for a short while. We are led to believe that it is inevitable that the ‘honeymoon’ phase will end, that our partner’s flaws will begin to protrude through the veil of perfection, that arguments and unhappiness will begin to appear and that these factors are all just a part of a ‘relationship’. Without feeling a conscious presence in any relationship, be it intimate or not, they will all result in dysfunction.

Finding negativity within a romantic relationship is usually recognised within your partner rather than seeing it within yourself. These appear in the form of possessiveness, jealousy, anger, rage, insensitivity, manipulation and so forth. Juxtaposed to the ‘love’ you feel and the happiness your partner brings, neediness and addiction can arise causing more pain and suffering until Love and Hate seem to become the dynamic within the relationship.

The constant chasing of a romantic love relationship seems to offer a state of liberation, as the key to happiness as a way out of fear, lack and feeling incomplete. When constantly identified with the mind, you produce an externally derived sense of self, the ego. Therefore, unconsciousness within a love relationship seeks to find new ways of lasting fulfilment through the pursuit of masking lack and neediness. If you experience love and its opposite in it’s many forms then it is likely your ego is taking over. True love has no opposite. Hate cannot exist. The negativity and pain we feel in intimate relationships has nothing to do with the relationship itself. It is to do with the deep-rooted pain that already resides within you.

It is similar to our constant pursuing of physical pleasures in order to cover fear or lack. Drinking Alcohol is one that is more common than it is rare amongst the human race. We only enjoy feeling drunk as it quiets our minds. We become less self-conscious and more confident. We experience a sense of numbness that can be mistaken for Peace. We endure the dreaded hangover for the ‘blissful’ state we allow our bodies to endure. Along with Drug taking, promiscuity, binging or deprival to harm our bodies; they are all short-lived pleasures that seem to satisfy us only for a little while until we project our happiness once again into the future. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.

“‘When I obtain this I can be free of that then I will be okay’ – this is the unconscious mind-set that creates the illusion of salvation in the future”

To truly find fulfilment is to truly be who you are. It is the realisation that the joy of Being does not rely on external factors, only what you already possess within yourself. It is about recognising yourself as part of the timeless and formless One Life. Through this realisation, you can succeed in finding and experiencing ‘True Love’. Disassociating oneself with the ego and pain-body and becoming fully present is to know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker. Therefore, in an intimate love relationship, accepting what is and seeking acceptance of your partner exactly as they are will only leave room for Love and Joy. Love is a state of being, a feeling that can never be lost as it is only found within you. True love is not selective or exclusive – your ego plays the selective role. The love you feel for your partner is the same deep-rooted love you feel for every living being – be it a tree, a flower or a stranger. Love does not choose you nor can you seek it. It is only from within can you experience it.

TRUE SALVATION = FREEDOM

Finding true salvation frees the human mind from wanting, needing, yearning, desiring, clinging, hurting. You become free from the past and open to the future.

A True Soulmate Is A Mirror

‘People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.’ 

It’s true, society has led us to believe that a soul mate is one being. He or she is the one that we are supposed to be romantically engaged with, who we will spend our forever with, who we were put on this earth to connect with. But that’s just not true. We will have many soul mates throughout our lifetime, each bringing a new lesson to help us grow.

Soul mates present themselves in many different forms; as lovers, friends, even strangers.  You will know when somebody comes into your life who is that little bit different, out of the ordinary shall we say. When they bring this spark into your life and you become fascinated and intrigued by them. You may strike up a whirlwind romance, instantly have a new best friend or become incredibly moved by a stranger.

Thinking back to the first time I fell in love, I felt like I was on top of the world. I believed with my whole being that I had found somebody who adored me, who would stand by me no matter what and who would never inflict pain or betray my trust.  I felt that they were the missing piece to my puzzle, there to fill a void, a void may I state that never existed, yet nevertheless the other half of me that I needed to feel complete. But just as the Universe had intended, the cracks began to show, and the real tests appeared. Love soon turned to hate, trust into distrust, truth to lies, monogamy to infidelity and so forth. You become so tired of fighting, hurting and crying that you realise you are only causing one another pain. You have brought to light the worst traits in your partner and they have done the same for you. When somebody has the ability to bring out the worst, tear you to pieces until you are laid bare and have nothing left to give, that is when you accept the lesson and move on. You find the strength deep within you, buried underneath the pain and heartache, to leave and rebuild yourself as an individual. You start to realise the importance of loving yourself first and you learn to forgive that person and become grateful for the lessons they have taught you.

It is the same for friendships. I have had many short term intense friendships that were a whirlwind of excitement. You become infatuated by that person, you want to spend every day with them, sharing your deepest darkest secrets. It is almost like a romantic relationship just without the intimacy. You become inseparable, addicted to one another’s presence and you feel as if your life is suddenly better now you have them in it. But sometimes these friendships have to come to an end to leave space for personal growth. It can all turn sour very quickly, that once positive influence soon turns negative and you know that you have to cut all ties. You see changes in yourself that do not align with who you truly are, you become a stranger almost, and you lose sight of who you want to be. I discovered more about who I am and who I am not, learnt to put my ego and false sense of self aside and to work on my own needs selfishly as an individual.

Sometimes you have soul mates that you know are going to be by your side throughout your life on Earth.  My nearest and dearest best friend of ten years is the truest of soul mates that I am blessed to have. She has taught me more about myself in the most positive of ways than I could ever comprehend. I believe we bring out the best in each other, help each one another to grow and are always by one’s side when life gets a little tough. She is somebody who I have never felt judged, betrayed or hurt by, but rather wholeheartedly accepted for who I am. And those lessons continue everyday, we encourage one another to better ourselves, offer a shoulder to cry on and lend a hand when cleaning up any mess that life has left for us.

For most, soul mates are found in family members too. Whether you have established good relationships with your siblings, parents, distant relatives or not, they will undertake the role of your soul mate at one stage in your life. In terms of immediate family, many of us are never free from lessons that help us to grow. When you become irritated, upset or angry by another’s actions or words, it is only acting as a mirror for an issue that you need to address. The same arguments or battles will occur until something changes within you and the lesson you need to learn is accepted so that you can move forward. Family teach us to become patient, understanding, kind and ultimately the importance of unconditional love.

It is only through these encounters with our soul mates that we can continue to grow throughout each future relationship, romantic or not. Each partner is there to teach you something about yourself. I have learnt too many lessons to list, but ultimately, staying true to yourself is the most important. Having felt belittled, unworthy and not good enough in the past, I chose to take time for myself to work on discovering who I am and what I want to become. Without becoming my own best friend, I would never have forgiven my past and truly accepted what each experience had intended to teach me. I would never have grown into a person that I am happy to be today nor have become so accepting of my strengths and flaws.

Cara, The Ever-Unfolding Rose

A few weeks before I made my life changing decision, I received some terrible news. On the 27th of October my friend took her own life. It was entirely unexpected and out of the blue. We were all in utter shock.

I only knew Cara for a matter of months, 4 at most. She was a regular at the juice bar where I’d been working and was a close family friend of the owners. We instantly struck up a friendship and I would look forward to our Tuesday 3pm chats. I would make her smoothie just the way she liked it, served upon a napkin and without a straw of course.

We would chat about anything and everything. I believe I knew the outline of her life story within 2 weeks of meeting her, just as many other fellow customers would too. She would tell her worries to everyone, her troubles, past, present and future. She would speak of losing her mother on a near daily basis, reliving the pain yet never quite getting the closure she needed. I was always there to lend an ear and allow her space to just be herself. I can’t say that I never did judge her, but I certainly judged her less than most.

From the first day we spoke, I knew that she was carrying around a heavy burden that nobody could quite lift. Our conversations were almost always around death, men and the afterlife. If we weren’t gossiping about past relationships, we would be talking about spirits and mockingly planning our funerals. Not once did it cross my mind that she may have been joining up the pieces about how or when she wanted to go.

Cara was unapologetically herself. Negative most would say, but a little lost I’d confirm. She would strike up friendships with everyone, whether you wanted to or not, and that is what I admired. She was seeking answers in everybody she laid eyes upon, hoping that by sharing her story, they would show her the solution. Sadly that was never the case. Losing her mother and then shortly after, the family pet, she never could deal with loss. It was as if the dark cloud always followed her wherever she went and no matter how much sunshine there could be, it was always there, waiting.

I never knew Cara had suffered from depression nor had experienced suicidal tendencies. Although most of her words were of a negative strain, she was never void of a smile on her face. Her sense of humour was contagious and her laugh unique. We would laugh uncontrollably when telling our stories to one another and mock just how silly we both were. I never got any work done in our Tuesday hour together, and I am so thankful for that.

Cara allowed me to be unapologetically myself. She is one of the only people who truly saw me for who I was, at soul level. She made me feel at home. But more importantly, she made me feel like I was enough.

Losing her was the push I needed to make the change. She came into my life to teach me to be authentically and unapologetically myself. To be true to who I am as a person and not care what anybody else thinks.

Despite having days where I miss her, I am so comforted in knowing that she is at peace. She has joined her mother and the cat Dusk and I am certain it is where she belongs. Without the tragic loss, I would never have found myself again. I would never have started writing my story or shining my light to encourage others to do the same.

Whether you believe in spirit guides, guardian angels, ghosts or the like, I know Cara is guiding me. She is with me on every step of this journey. I take comfort in the fact that her door had to close so that mine could open.

Cara, you were the ever-unfolding rose. You were cracked open through hurt and loss. Everything happened for you, not to you.  And, it is now my duty to continue that journey for you, allow your death to become a blessing, not a tragedy.

You saved me when I couldn’t save you.

Thank you for leading me back to my purpose.

I love you.

Allow Yourself To Fall In Order To Soar

I finally caught myself, 2 days after falling into an old and toxic habit. Years ago I would have let it continue for weeks and months. This time around I put a stop to it as soon as I found strength. 

After experiencing glimpses of inner peace, I am now more sensitive to the polarities of emotion. It is strange how the highs I once craved aren’t so high anymore. Yet the lows are so much lower than I had ever remembered. Toxic habits aren’t always easy to identify, particularly when they have been ingrained within us for years.

We chase highs for different reasons. This was to escape my reality as I was stressed, anxious and tired. I take on other people’s emotion as my own and I must admit it is exhausting. Particularly so when those I love are in deep pain. I hadn’t found a way to detach myself from external energy and in turn I struggled to meet it with consciousness. 

In the previous week I had felt deeply unconscious. I was resisting yoga, meditation and had little time for self care. That in turn allowed my mind to take over and seek gratification elsewhere. Leading me down old paths that I had detoured from. 

I know that I am not being my true self when the idea of self care no longer appeals. When I cannot quite be bothered. When I am terrified of what the Universe may present to me when I look inward. 

The Universe had synchronised our paths to cross once again. For the hundredth time. This time it was to finally teach me the lesson I needed to learn years ago. To find strength to walk away from what no longer serves me. To turn my back on the old and broken part of me. 

I know I needed to experience this to heal. I just wish I’d learnt the first time around. And so the healing begins again. And again.

How To Heal Your Past: 5 Steps To Break Negative Relationship Patterns

Here are 5 steps to break negative relationship patterns. My guide to healing your past and moving forward. Sometimes being uncomfortable and addressing repressed emotions is our gateway to healing. If you have found yourself attracting the ‘wrong’ partners or getting into unhealthy relationships, these steps can help you break the pattern.

1. Begin With Forgiveness

To even consider healing, we first have to forgive ourselves. It is hard looking at ourselves with such scrutiny, especially when focusing on our ‘mistakes’. Although we are the ones attracting these certain types into our lives, be it romantically or via friendships, it is only us who can break that habit.

2. Identify The Patterns

Once we start from a place of forgiveness, it is only then that the real work can begin. The key is to look back on your relationships and identify the patterns that appear throughout them all. I simply sat and wrote our the pros and cons of each one, highlighting the main traits that each person possessed. By putting pen to paper you can clearly collate the recurring issues and begin to make sense of them.

3.Where The Issues Stem From?

The hardest stage of all is digging a little deeper to see where the issues stem from. Without sounding too Freudian, our relationships are heavily influenced by that of our parents. As children, our parents’ relationship is our first example of romance we see. Did your parents have a rocky marriage? Did you grow up in a single parent household? Was there always conflict and the raising of voices? Or did they always show unconditional love and affection? Whatever traits your parents’ relationship had, whether it was good or bad, will have had a profound impact on you. In your own time, peel back the layers and see if you are carrying any of those traits into your own relationships.

4. Someone Else’s Point Of View

So far, the healing process has only been about us. But what about putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes? How did they feel about your actions? Did they see the relationship in the same way as you? This was where my groundbreaking ‘aha’ moments kicked in and I began to let go a little more. When you view yourself through that person’s eyes, you can see how your actions or emotions were received. For example, did you feel like you weren’t worthy of their love? Did you spend the whole relationship chasing their approval? Or did you push them away to avoid conflict or being hurt? Being able to see yourself through the eyes of another speaks volumes about what you may wish or wish not to change.

5. How Do You Want To Feel?

Finally, the most important step; how do you want to feel? When you are ready to date again or have a romantic relation with another, you need to identify exactly what you want. The best way to do this is to write out exactly what you are looking for. How do you want to feel within yourself in that relationship? Maybe in the past you have sourced your happiness from the other person. One of your feelings to note would be to feel 100% happy and whole in yourself. You may wish to be committed to a self love routine that no other can impact on. Or simply to have a partner that encourages that practice and respects your need for your own time and space. Or it could be that you are with somebody who supports you in everything you do! Who gives you the love and attention you deserve that others haven’t given you. Whatever it is, really picture how you wish to feel and make it as detailed as possible.

But remember, the key here is to love yourself unconditionally first. Regardless of what negative patterns you have uncovered, love always begins with the self. Take the time to work on you and your goals and the rest will follow. And, more importantly, do not compromise on your values and what you want out of a relationship. The right person will come along and you will be happy that you waited. And if they don’t, you are so focused on loving yourself that you don’t need anybody else!

Have you begun healing your past?